Next time you call the cable company and are having internet problems, remember that we recieve LOTS of calls in regards to internet problems, and 80% of them are suddenly CEOs of companies working at home at midnight.

I could maybe see someone trying to get away with this obvious lie during the day, but midnight?  Most self respecting CEOs are already passed out drunk!

Tonight I had a gentleman call in and his internet was down and I advised him that we were working to get the issue resolved, hopefully by morning.  He then proceeded to ask me what he should tell his shareholders in the morning when they don’t get their daily report.  My response?  You should tell them that you were doing the report at 12 in the morning on a Saturday using residential service.  His response?

The good ol’ click.

Today I was sitting here pretty bored and I got to thinking to myself, why doesn’t anyone use instant messaging anymore?  All my friends used to be addicted to it and we would chat up a storm, but nobody is ever on anymore.  I mean, they don’t even connect anymore.  One of my chat buddies hasn’t been on in like 3 years (it actually says last seen 3y)

Or is everyone just blocking me because I’m annoying as shit?

Today I had a call at work about one of our new HD boxes (we’re really ahead of the curve here I tell you) and he asked me why we do a credit check and how it was unfair.  I informed him that we do the credit check so people won’t steal our boxes, and he responded that he would NEVER take one of our boxes.  I informed him that this exactly what one of those devious box thieves would say and he once again responded that he would never steal a cable box and that he ALWAYS pays EVERYTHING on time and he’s a RESPECTABLE human being.  I then responded that that’s why we do a credit check, so that we can confirm that he does in fact pay everything and is a respectable human being, and then he promptly hung up on me.

Funny how all these respectable human beings are so worried about credit checks eh?

Something actually exciting happened to me last night.  My girlfriend and I came over to my apartment from hers about 10 pm or so and around 11:30/midnightish we started hearing a horn honk, so my girlfriend went out in the guise of getting the mail to see who it was and it was a girl sitting in a caddy, a very expensive caddy at that.  I decided I would give her a chance to CUT IT OUT and waited it out but she continued to honk the horn over and over again so I called the cops.  The dispatch said it was the second call they got on her but still asked me if I wanted an officer (after so many calls you’d think they’d just come out ot stop the calls) and I peeked out the window while I was on the phone and she comes marching up to my patio and asked me to use my phone.  I told her it was fucking midnight and she’s honking a horn like a loon and she can’t use my goddamn phone and she gave me a cry story about being stranded and whatnot and I told her that I’m not going to come out and let someone use my phone that’s crazy enough to honk a horn over and over again in the middle of the night, and then I told her I was on the phone with the cops and I was the second caller.  The cops show up and we talk to him and the cop ends up offering to give her a ride (she told the cop she bummed a ride from the guy and he was up in one of the apartments, and we all know what a guy in a nice caddy does at 12 in the morning in an apartment complex) and about half an hour the guy comes walking out all gangsta’d out in his Fubu looking for her and I went out and told him the cops came and got the crazy bitch because she was honking his horn.

I know that most people that deal drugs aren’t that smart but what kind of dumbass drug dealer leaves a chick outside that’s crazy enough to lay down on his horn all night and attract attention enough to get the cops called?  Sheesh

Then again maybe he just came over to play tiddly winks

pssht

There is a person that I absolutely loathe at work.  Recently they’ve been discussing maybe making my team (we’re known as the “shared” team at work, whereas the person I loathe is actually on another team) “home agents” which means we would literally just stay home and take the calls.  God I hope it happens.  Today I overheard this woman first of all refer to a woman as “oriental” which in and of itself drove me nuts, but then she went on a tirade for an hour and a half about a cyst (her husbands, who also works here) “it’s hard” “I bumped up against it for an hour”.  I think she may have mistaken his penis for a cyst. She also one time stated that “Time Zones don’t exist in Canada, because Ben Franklin invented them” all while spouting that she has an IQ of 160.   We all know anything invented by Ben Franklin isn’t allowed to be used in Canada.  I feel sorry for all those people that need glasses running around bumping into things.  Please pray for me.

First off I’m typing this on my excessively hot laptop because for some reason it stayed on all night with the lid down instead of going on standby, and I’m not sure if this post is worth burnt fingers.

Last night I had a dream about my grandpa, who passed away last November, and my grandma.  My grandpa was fishing and I joined him and bet him I could catch the bigger fish, and for some reason I started using my grandma’s dinner plates as spinner bait and lost a ton of them and she was pretty mad.

Well that reminded me of their house they used to have and it had trails and a gully behind it and a spring and just tons of neat stuff.  It’s now closed off to the public because a water park sprung up next door (which used to be a giant gravel pit.  Funny how things change eh? 

It also reminded me of my cousin Karly (wipingupsnot.com) trying to ride my grandma’s huge old school bike and falling on her face.   Every life has a highlight!

This gave me the idea since my current life is relatively boring and I am having less and less of an opportunity to post, I think I will start posting some of my childhood memories (since the only people according to my traffic report that read my blog are either family or korean anyway)  Who is that Korean person that is so interested in me anyway??

* Warning to Mommy bloggers this is actually about a child

Today I was watching my nephew (my girlfriend’s nephew, but due to how much he loves me so much - he told me this - he is now considered my nephew.. don’t argue just accept it) and he was laying in bed with me at 2 in the afternoon and having a discussion with me which not even a linguist could decipher and the only word I could really understand was “Mommy” and I said “Oh yeah .. Mommy.. do you miss your Mommy” and he looked at me and suddenly his face got sad and he started crying uncontrollably.  I had officialy established that he did in fact miss his Mommy.  Problem being, his Mommy wasn’t at home, nor did I want to take him home, so I asked him if he wanted to play with his toys.  He suddenly stopped crying and smiled and I gave him his toys. 

Next time you mommy bloggers wonder what you’re worth, it’s a bag full of toys.

Addition: Shortly after finishing this I realized I actually gave him the plastic sack the toys were in and he was playing with it (don’t worry I took it away) but ain’t I a good uncle?  Good thing he didn’t feel like playing the “plastic hat game”

In 2004 UPS announced that they would save fuel by minimizing left turns. Because drivers are idle at intersections while waiting to make left turns, UPS developed software that routes the day’s packages with preference to right turns.  No wonder I never get my packages when they’re shipped UPS, the driver is driving in a circle!

Here’s the call of the week for you guys:

Me: Thanks you for calling this is David what product are you calling in regards to (I say this because we get so many people calling in about products we don’t support, even though the prompting system clearly states we only handle certain products)

Customer: I have a TV

Me: Unfortunately we don’t support TVs in this department those representatives get in in about 3 hours

Customer:  Eastern Standard Time?

Me: Uh well it’s 3 hours no matter where you are

Customer: Oh yeah uh yeah um yeah no matter where I am haha *click*

Dee-dee-dee

I’ve always managed to keep a pretty easy going attitude when it comes to people’s eccentricities, but I’ve noticed as I’ve gotten older everything everyone does pretty much torks me off.  From the lady next door whose cigarette butts end up in my yard (and apparently now dog shits in it too), to the slower than me driver (27 years old, never had a ticket - because I never speed unless it’s an emergency - who the fuck drives SLOWER than the SPEED LIMIT?) to the stuck up person at work that I can’t even stand to be in the same room with.  I let all this stuff slide because, well, it’s just not all that serious.  But what is it today with people thinking it’s a necessity to be rude?  It seems like everywhere I go everyone is rude.  I’m a please and thank you type of person, even if it’s at McDonalds I think the person for taking the time to press the picture of the cheeseburger so that I may nourish myself.  But it seems like everyone else lives an opposite philosophy.  Nobody REALLY cares about anyone else’s feelings, but when someone else is rude to them, all the sudden it’s apalling.